It is 6:30 at night and I am going back to Majuro tomorrow morning at 10:00. All the girls and boys are at my house continuing their marathon sleep over that they started 2 nights ago after my party and they are in the cookhouse eating and playing games.
Friday night way my going away party and it was truly amazing. Before the party started we had our final assembly and passed out end of the year awards and report cards. Rather than having each class give individual performances we did one large one and had been practicing after school for over a week; we sang “We’ve Got the Whole World in Our Hands.” It was perfect. The classes stood in lines, basically looked like a choir, and acted out the hand motions that we made to go along with the words. We changed the words slightly, to make it a bit more personalized, and watching them all sing each and every word, even the little kinders, made the hairs on my body stand up and filled my face with a smile and eyes with tears. The tremendous about of pride I held in these kids at that very moment was overwhelming. They could not have sung it with more joy and delight in their voices. It was extraordinary.
After the assembly ended we had a traditional Marshallese meal, with all my favorite kinds of Marshallese food, and then continued on to the Yokwe eok party – the traditional going away party thrown for people leaving the island for an undefined amount of time. The part started with the entire community standing in front of me, as I sat timidly in a chair, singing songs. They sang at least 10 songs and the kids were all dancing and having a blast. The women of the community pulled their silly little gigs, trying to dance with the men and embarrass them, and everyone really just had fun. When the music would get a little faster the little kids would come out to the font and get down. There is something about watching a 5 year old Marshallese kid dance like they are in a MTV music video…highly amusing. The little girls shaking their hips and shoulders like Shakira and the boys braking it down like any rapper. Indescribably precious…yet probably should be wrong. Who knows where on earth get these moves…not going to lie I picked up a couple good ones my self from the 5 year old crowd. They had a few things to teach me.
After the fun and dancing was one everyone circled up for one last song. You can probably guess this is about where I lost it…although I started to lose it a bit in the beginning before all the dancing started. During this last song everyone walked around in a circle and gave me one piece of amimano that they had either made themselves or asked someone to make for them. I got everything from jewelry to picture frames to wall hangings to ornaments to bags. You name it, they can make it beautifully out of coconut or pandanus leaves. The students were first in line and each shook my hand and gave me a hug (I was a mess). Some didn’t really understand what was going on, but others gave me their gifts as they smiled at me through tear filled eyes and wet cheeks. The hardest was seeing my older girls, those who I bonded with most and spend the most time with, as well as the boys and girls I hung out with all the time at my first house: Jelina, Michael, Lora and Lizzy. They were my little crew and I absolutely love them; smart, helpful, kind, fun and loving. It was heartbreaking to think I would be saying good-bye for a good while so soon.
After the students it was the women and then the men. Some stopped and said kind words and I did my best to listen as I tried my best to stay composed. Holding back the tears was a lost cause, but keeping my head up and smiling was what I tried to focus on now. After everyone in the town had made their way around the circle everyone returned to the front and some gave speeches. They thanked me profusely for my help over the year and really just said very nice things. About 10 people spoke, mostly men (as is Marshallese culture) but a few women spoke as well and all was very touching. After they all spoke I stood up and gave a speech as well thanking them for absolutely everything they gave to me throughout the past year. I talked about how special everyone was to me, how much I appreciated their unremitting patience with my learning and understanding of Marshallese culture and language, and basically how much I had fallen in love with Lukoj and loved every bit of my year. It took slightly longer than the average 3 composition notebook page speech would generally take…but that was pretty much expected.
After that was finished, a closing prayer was said and we all kind of went our separate ways. Michael and Jelina wanted to help bring stuff back to my house after, so we all piled my things in the wheelbarrow and headed down the dark dirt road. At my house, JunJun got the guitar and we all piled on to the hammock and played music and sang for a long, long time. Me, Jelina curled on my lap, JunJun, Michael, Lora, Talin, and Hemlyna. We didn’t go out there until probably about 1 A.M. but we stayed out there laughing, reminiscing, playing and singing until the first pink light seeped above the horizon adding color to the fading black sky.
Sitting here now, preparing to leave, I don’t think there are words or even feelings great enough to capture my emotions. My life as I know it right now is all about to change again and I am going to leave everything and everyone that is a part of who I am right now on Lukoj, tomorrow; only physically though.
I would be lying if I said no part of me was excited - going home soon, sailing to Fiji and then to Samoa – but that part of my emotion is buried right now and all I can see is the pain of leaving. The past six months have been incredible. The relationships I have formed with Lona and Jeffry, as well as many people in the community, and the life that I have grown so accustomed to. There are no worries in life here. I don’t want it to sound like I am now against my former way of life in America, because I in no way am, but I just love everything about being out here so much right now.
There are no worries about money, no rushes, no pressures, no hassles of media and busy life. Life is very much community oriented, as opposed to rather individualistic mindset of America; and I have really enjoyed adjusting to that. Everything is back to the basics. Everything you need done, you do it, and often times without the aid of technology: cooking, washing, work, just living. In America we are in such a hurry most of the time we never get a chance to enjoy simplicities and talk to our friends and family. The result is a kind of endless day-to-day monotony that leaves you wondering where the time has slipped away to. Here, the highlight of everyone’s day is talking and work is done on a basic daily need: cleaning clothes, weeding, cooking, making copra to buy food. There aren’t any other options. When you do something work related, you do it because you need to; there are no in betweens with work and the option to not do it doesn’t exist…if you want to lead a ‘comfortable’ life. All the while, in an environment free of all media, at the beginning of the day, the middle and the end you talk to your friends. You hear endless stories about their life, you get their daily happenings and you really are able to build meaningful relationships fast. You never lost touch with the understanding of how your friends and family are because you are always so close and so informed.
One thing I really hope to take back with me to America is this genuine care and interest that I have seen so much of here in the Marshalls. I am not saying this doesn’t exist in America, because I certainly feel that my close friends and family back home cared a lot and showed a great amount of genuine daily interest, and hope I give the same. I would like to bring it back on a more broad spectrum though, and really just enhance my awareness of the well being of the people in my life.
This past week, with no school, has been the best by far. As I mentioned earlier the kids have been at my house non-stop and we have been having a blast. We have been cleaning out my house and at night there are anywhere from 5 to 15 kids just passed out all over the floor of my house. Lona had to go to Majuro on Friday because the baby is in the hospital and I have been the ‘woman’ of the house. Haha it has been so much fun, and there is actually something quite satisfying about it showing myself that I could make it out here and have a household. (I told this to my mom and her response was, “Taylor McFarlane, don’t you even think about it…”) I have gotten up early, raked the lawn, cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner for all the guys on the ocean side and Jeffery, washed all the guys clothes and mine as well and really just ran the house. It was awesome. Hahah I felt so accomplished. All the woman in the community thought it was hilarious and were impressed. They would stop by on their ways to and from church and constantly told me how much I needed to just stay in Lukoj because I am not American anymore, I am Marshallese. There is about 49% of me that wishes I could just stay – I know I would be happy – but the 51% of myself that is telling me to go home will factually have to take the win. That said however, there is an endless list of things I will miss about this place and so much that will now be with me forever; their dogmas and goals, values and ways have engrained themselves into my being.
Knowing this, the adjustment back into American life will certainly be strange and you all will probably have to put up with lots of strange mannerisms, sounds, facial expressions, words and habits for a bit. I tend to make some pretty foul faces now that I seem to think are normal reactions to saying “I don’t know.” I may speak a mixture of Marshallese and English for a while because I actually have to think before speaking in English now. Marshallese words tend to slip into my sentences and I may not notice and think it’s totally normal. I tend to just pick up little children now, even if I don’t know who they belong to, but in America people may look at this as a kidnapping attempt. Going to have to stop that one. I eat most everything with my hands and you may need to remind me to use a fork, as well as a napkin. I think showing my knees is about the equivalent of walking around in underwear, so it may take me a while to get into a bikini at the beach or wear anything above the knee. I wear a very fashionable comb in my hair every day – but I think it may only be appropriate for an 80’s party back in the states. Outrageous colors of clothing tend to always match in my mind now and my outfits could resemble something related to a Crayola box. If you tell me we are going to dinner at 6:30 I may not to ready to go until 8 or 9…so I guess the only person I may be eating dinner with for a while is Whitney Desena…that’s about her time frame too. Lucky me. I might forget that there are other foods other than pancakes and rice…but actually on second thought it could go the other way – I may forget there are things other than fruits and vegetables because I haven’t had any in a year. I could probably go on with strange things I may do and say for a number of pages, but all of you will be able to make your own list soon enough.
Dinnertime is coming to an end evidently, as kids are starting to trickle back into my house and decorate themselves with the things I am leaving behind. Fready has some nice bracelets all up his arm and Hemlyna has about 3 outfits worth of clothing on her body as she is covering her face with sweat pea scented hand sanitizer. Cute.
Now, my spirits seem to have waned with the sun, as I watched it set for the last time on the Pelakin shore. I think it is time to go play with my kids and enjoy every last minute with them, making even more lasting memories. I have no doubt they can find my smile that I have seemingly lost somewhere in the midst of this entry.
If I were to go back and give myself one piece of advice, 10 months ago, I believe I would have told myself this: You should not evaluate and instantaneously judge what you see. Keep your mind a blank tablet, which nature’s course will fill, and then reason objectively from the facts we observe. You are in their reality; and it is your reality that must change if you want to me happy.
Thank goodness I figured that out. Maybe a bit late, but not so late that I was not able to make this year one of the best and most memorable of my life.
Thank you all immensely for your lasting support and encouragement you showed throughout to year. You letters and packages help get me through the days and I appreciated them all beyond words. I can’t wait to be home and see everyone again. I will be in Majuro for a few short days before going to Fiji, but I probably wont get a chance to write much more until Fiji. I have a million and one things to do before heading out – as I learned I will be in Majuro for only a few days as opposed to the original 3-4 weeks. Things are already starting to move faster! Never expected something to done before the estimated time in the RMI…crazy. Anyway, I hope to write when I get to Fiji and tell you all a little bit about my sailing adventure.
Hope all is well at home and everyone is enjoying summer! See you all on the other side soon!!!!
Lots of love,
Tay
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